Girls vs. Boys: Girls

A couple of weeks ago, I was driving down 101 from San Francisco on my way to work in heavy traffic. I had, as I usually do, one full hour to entertain myself, going in one direction in the solace of my vehicle when doing this commute It's oftentimes when I think the most clearly during any given day as I am alone and the time is not given to someone else, but my own. I enjoy driving what seems almost endless, from north to south in both the morning and night at all hours, to see my friends as much as possible - to hear their stories, their problems, and all the things that I see so much of myself in.

What was particularly on my mind that day was a basic need for acceptance. It seemed to me that everything I'd been hearing was colliding and overlapping, and I too was noticing a lot of the same problems in my own life. They mainly had to do with friendships, interpersonal communication, and relationships in general. I was curious to explore it all further and ask the questions of someone objective; I suppose, by proposing this joint venture to my fellow colleague, Mr. Michael Fertig, it was my way of trying to solve all of our collective problems if I could.

During the 2.5 week process, both Mike and I agreed that coming up with both the questions and answering them certainly wasn't easy. Though we take a huge turn and break from our normal columns in this regard, I think this just may be the most exhausting effort we've had in both of our Negative Waves careers. We both vowed to get at these questions with the most outright honesty, and hope that we asked questions of each other that you'd ask if you needed them answered.

Here's one half of our journalist-tastic doubleheader.

1. Why can't girls be more straightforward? It seems as though if they want something or want a guy to behave a certain way, they just expect us to know what that way is.

Girls are sometimes not straightforward because they are often afraid to ask for something for some reason or another, and perhaps as a result of that, have their request rejected. I mean, c'mon, it boils down to simple rejection. Perhaps they feel they are either asking for something outlandish that you cannot or will not accommodate, or that she herself is asking to much of you and she would rather you somehow magically read her mind and volunteer to do it yourself. Now, therein lies the essential problem - walking the fine line between "demanding bitch" and the endless male complaint of, "WTF? Does she think I have ESP?"

Take this, for example: "What's bothering you?" "Nothing." "No really, what is it?" "Nothing."

Guys can make it easier by being really cool about it; they have to create a supportive atmosphere where a girl feels comfortable asking and talking free of initial judgment. This is where you go all John Cusack and dump it all out there and let her know that you're really listening to her. Tell her that you're listening and you want to know what she thinks -- that her opinion or voice has validity and that you don't want to assume what it could possibly be, otherwise it's going to drive you batshit for the next bunch of hours and you'll spend less time helping her to solve the problem and more time agonizing about what the hell it is, because you really do care what it's about and you want to take care of it or help if you can. That way, even if you say "no" to the request, at least she'll feel better knowing she was able to get over the anxiety of the approach.

As women mature, I would hope that they realize that they need to speak up in not only their relationships, but in other venues such as their workplace, families and friendships, otherwise they never end up getting what they want if they don't explicitly ask.

2. When a girl sees a guy approaching her in a bar, what goes through her head? What does she expect to hear from him? What does she hope to hear from him?

I'm taking from this question that the female is probably interested if the guy is approaching her. In that case, she's really hoping that the guy doesn't say anything stupid once he gets there, to completely blow the perfect ideal of him that she has in her head.

I don't really think she expects to hear something particular from him, as long as it's something that isn't really painfully stupid. A hello and a reason for why he's come over to talk is good. A really cool, with a hint of dorky "you're very pretty" usually is a very nice thing to say. It doesn't come off overeager, and it doesn't reek of sleaze. You will get a nice "thank you," and you won't be accused of using a lame-ass pick-up line. Direct. To the point. Doesn't require deciphering and isn't cryptic in any way. These things are key when approaching a girl. She will like and appreciate that. You will immediately earn her trust.

I tend to aim for genuineness more than anything else. Even if someone came up to me and said he wanted to sleep with me, I'd appreciate the honesty, but then probably kick him in the nuts. On both parts: No bullshit, right? No time wasted, right? Cutting to the chase, right? Exactly. Please note that there aren't many women that subscribe to my methodsˇ walking over and saying you want to do her in a bathroom, even if you want to, probably isn't the best idea, Einstein.

3. Do girls concoct sneaky ways to meet/get to know men? (eg. "Hey, let's answer a series of questions from each other in order to get a better understanding of the opposite sex.")

Of course they do. They totally do. You think men scheme? Women are schemers too. The difference though, is that they don't really go out to scheme on a set of men, but rather each individually pick an object of interest and then scheme on a more focused level. Whereas guys are more like an uzi and go out to scam for chicks, I tend to think women are more like sniper rifles, simply because of the fact that they can afford to be selective.

Now, let me qualify that statement. When I was in New York, there were clubs were women would get in for free and guys would have to pay the cover to get in. Unfair? Yes. But, the only way to ensure a decently mixed crowd is to get a bunch of chicks into your venue and for you to make a buck at the door is to grant the ladies free admission. The guys pay because that's where all the ladies are, right?

Would that happen in reverse? Probably not. I mean, that's why things like the term "sausage party" exist, and I know no straight guy that wants to end up at a sausage-fest. There isn't a reverse term for the ladies like "PMS Parade" or anything like that.

Lastly, a girlfriend of mine used the most awesome pick-up line the other night, which was: "Dude, you look way too sober to be here." I thought that was genius. Not that she wanted to bag the guy or whatever, but I thought that it was a really slick way to start a conversation and she did get a second glance and follow-up. Very under the radarˇ this is good.

The same line wouldn't work for a guy in a million years because it reeks of "I wanna get you drunk and take advantage of you" -- so don't use it. Instead, use the male equivalent, something that possesses the same kind of non-threatening, observational elements. A one-liner with zero expectation for the other party to reciprocate (that doesn't sound like it's fake-ass) is all that anyone needs to get a convo going.

So you see what I mean? I'm a woman and I just schooled you, yo.

Lastly Mikey, if you were close enough right now, I'd punch you in the arm - really hard, so hard that your sensitive Rivers Cuomo emo boy glasses would fall off.

4. Why do girls go from appearing to be 100% interested in a guy to basically wanting nothing to do with that guy pretty much over night? (Assume nothing significant occurred overnight. There was no "sobering up" or anything like that.)

So if she's not drunk, she's absolutely fucking confused. Maybe her projection of you didn't match up with who you actually were, or who she thought you were. Maybe you answered something that made her think about whether or not you were compatible. Maybe she figured out your expectations faster than you did, and found she wouldn't accommodate them. Maybe you said something dumb. Maybe she picked up on the fact that you have issues. Maybe she has issues. Maybe she liked it better when you both were friends and just friends. Maybe you lapping at her heels was just a total ego snack for the night. Maybe you fulfilled a momentary need for attention.

Maybe it was just simply a mistake for whatever reason.

It's not that she's "playing hard to get," it's just that any woman should know that when a guy is interested, nothing can keep him away. Just the same, if he's not really interested, nothing makes him stay. She's gauging your interest in her and is waiting for your follow-up, because she possibly feels a bit vulnerable (which is understandable) and exposed because she feels she put in too much effort for whatever reason. People get hurt that way, and again, people are scared of being rejected. Maybe she likes you and she wants to see if you like her back.

I dunno. Games. Feh. I'm not a fan, but it happens. Issues, like I said.

The next possible case scenario is that she fears that you're going to take her for granted. To the other end, there's a set of women that believe that if a guy always knows where you are and what you're doing, and that if you're constantly available that you totally get taken for granted. I have to say that this happens to be true, because guys tend to lose interest if they know they "have it on lockdown." About 75% of my friends are heterosexual guys and they primarily like the women they're interested in to "have a life," you know? I don't blame them, as it shows they tend to favor independent women (thank God), and it sure keeps them on their toes.

5. Is it possible for guys and girls to truly be strictly platonic friends?

Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely. But it really depends in what context.

If the two parties were involved at any point, then there's bound to be lingering feelings there. However, that's revoked if significant time has passed, discussion has been had, and healing has taken place. If both parties have intense problems with each other, often resulting in endless anger and frustration, chances are they're never hooking up againˇ if they're smart. If they're smart - but we know that the term "relapse" exists.

The two main factors here have to deal with attraction and the resulting action. My argument is based on whether or not an attraction has been acknowledged, and what one or both parties decide to do with that knowledge.

I mean, I happen to find lots of my guy friends attractive for a myriad of reasons, but it's not like I want to jump them or anything. I know a statement like this would probably make the most non-jealous guy squeamish, but if guys can scope out women and blame it on male reflexes, then I think an appreciation of males on my part will do just the same too.

6. How often do girls masturbate?

If you're a chronic masturbator you can pretty much masturbate as frequently and as often as you like. Well, if you're a chronic masturbator like me, you can pretty much do this whenever you want, however frequently as needed. But let me say something about women. MOST of them will never admit to the fact that they masturbate just as much as men do.

Most guys get porn, which is a visual stimulus and will do the trick just fine. We have whole stores devoted to providing actual implements to help us out since we don't have the luxury of organs that protrude in the same manner. Other than that, I see no difference between the two sexes except that talking about "jerking off" as opposed to "pillow humping" seems less taboo by the most liberal society's standards.

7. What is the best way for a man to ask forgiveness?

Hell hath no fury, huh?

First, put yourself in her shoes. I know she's probably completely irrational and you're sick of her being pissy, but you've really got to do this. Her points have to land and resonate with you. You just can't tune her out, because if you're not listening, she's just going to get more pissed off by the fact that she's wasting her breath and time.

Once you somehow digest those points, (and I swear this works ) reiterate exactly what you just heard from her (at least the main points) in an extremely non-defensive manner. Start off with, "So what you're saying is, is thatˇ" This requires an extraordinary amount of patience, but rememberˇ try to look at yourself objectively and put yourself in her shoes again. This is an important step in the process, because it shows that you were indeed listening. You must demonstrate through communicating with her that you understand, by showing a cognizant awareness of what the issues are.

Now you have probably disarmed the bomb at this point, because she a) feels listened to, b) doesn't feel attacked, and c) you're both communicating, hopefully (keyword being "co"). This builds trust. She will then most likely accept your apology then.

Say: "I am sorry that I ____________________ because it made you feel ________________________." (Chicks are into feelings. You hurt their feelings. Remember that.) Then follow it up with, "I hope you will forgive me."

Finito. If she doesn't forgive you in that moment, she'll eventually come around, so give her some time to cool off. Turn around and go watch your football game or something.

And then, if that doesn't work, groveling "please baby, baby, please" works too. Be her bitch for seven days straight, and constantly apologize for fucking up if you can handle it. The flower trick only works for the more high-maintenance of hoes that make you wanna bleed before you get served. That's why every rose has its' thorn, so to speak. That's why every cowboy sings a sad, sad song.

8. Is it possible for a woman to be able to tell within a short period of time whether or not the guy she's with is someone she could marry?

Maybe if I were Britney Spears or J-Lo I'd know. But I don't. I could answer this in many ways, mainly because some relationships develop slowly through a friendship over years, and then others start off out of seemingly nowhere and then continue with a high-keyed intensity. So really, a future husband could either be under someone's nose this whole time, or someone she's bumped into.

I think, depending on the woman, she'd know depending on her previous dating experiences. It's safe to say that if you've dated people or been in relationships, you have a decent idea of what works for you and what does not, what you are willing to tolerate, or what baseline values you tend to look for. Also, I tend to think that first impressions (especially within the context of, or on the foundation of a friendship) really do go a long way, because they are the least contrived and the most honest. No one has to put their best foot forward, and everyone can be safe to just be himself or herself.

I think that women can though, for the most part tell. I personally don't know the answer though. But, I will say that I usually end up having extraordinary foresight when dealing with guy friends, knowing that we'd somehow get involved/mixed up in one way or another whether that be years (for example, 13 years) or months down the road. There's something about when you first meet someone that doesn't really go away for a girl, long after the relationship is dead.

Two words: Women's intuition.

It's just a hunch most of the time, and if I look back on my track record, I'm usually dead on the money. Eerily, I've been dead on the money in 90% of the circumstances I've predicted.

9. Does Sweetest Day really count?

I think in some way it does, otherwise you wouldn't be asking me this question. I don't think it counts in the Hallmark sense, but it does count in the giving-props-to-the-one-you-really-care-about sense. It's just nice to show appreciation for someone even though we have to pick one dumb day out of the calendar to do it.

Ideally, this would be everyday, but oftentimes in our busy lives we never get the time to take that time out. It's not a women's conspiracy to see who's the most admired and who is the fairest in all the land, but it's just nice to know that you're special even if just for a moment, and that somebody's thinking of youˇ especially if that somebody is someone you think about too.

Dig?

10. Does size really matter?

Here's the bottom line. As far as any woman is concerned, there is simply no freakin' reason guys should be lousy in bed. Give a girl a reason to not go home and hang out with a vibrator or dildo that's better than you are.

This in particular is a really tricky question, because as much as I want to agree with Jedi Master Yoda ("Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?") - I don't think that I do. So, I'd have to say that if a woman is spoiled rotten (and/or oftentimes very lucky, IMO) in this regard, then yes - size matters. If she's not, then it doesn't. Is that fair?

However! Fret not. There are many things that thankfully, make up for size. I don't think guys should really obsess over penis size to tell you the truth, because this is obviously not the only measurable quality to sexual pleasure. There will always be bigger and smaller guys than you, and chances are with an experienced woman, you're not going to be number one with a bullet on their all-time hit list. Sorry, but that's the God-honest truth.

The only thing you should be concerned with is giving it your absolute best shot. Approach it much like you would approach baseball. There are statistical categories that you can score well in. Ladies give points like in Fantasy Sports. It could be anything. Energy level, time elapsed, stiffness, "cunning linguistics," sounds, handling, creativity, style, positioning - these are things that you'd make the record books on. Don't think that women don't talk about these things, because they totally do. These skills can be developed, and experimented with. Pay attention to the way that she reacts to certain things very carefully, exploit what you did to get the same reaction, and you're golden.

I will say this, though. I totally hit it once with someone who had a seriously microscopic penis and it was so pretty mundane I wanted to die. His only saving grace was that we were friends and we'd built up sexual tension over something like 11 years. And you know, it wasn't necessarily bad because it was microscopic, it was bad because he didn't have anything else in his toolkit to help me out. Develop skills to compensate, and no woman walks away disappointed, regardless of penis size.

11. Where are good places to approach women? (Bars? Grocery Stores? Dark alleys?)

I don't suggest approaching a woman in a dark alley, unless you are offering to walk her home for no ass in return, but simply because you're nice and you're a gentleman.

I've been approached in tons of placesˇ at the carwash, at a baseball game, at Oktoberfest, at nerd conferences, at bars, in comic book stores, while working retail jobs, in photographic darkrooms, at a show, and yes, in the grocery store.

I honestly don't think it really matters, to tell you the truth, as long as you don't completely catch her way off-guard and scare the fuck out of her. It's definitely not the way to go for a first impression. (See answer to Question #8.) I suggest anywhere where you can use what I suggested in the latter half of Question #3, basically.

12. What's most important to most women: Looks? Smarts? Sense of humor? Money?

I went out with a male model in New York a couple of times who was originally from just outside of Montreal. He was gorgeous. He was nice. He was sensitive. He had geeky qualities like sitting in his pajamas and reading books about etymology. He would sit and work on his paintings at home when between shoots and shows, and he produced some pretty great paintings at that. But he couldn't, for the life of him, break for a paragraph, spell or write me a coherent email. Not that most of our communication was done over email, but I think communication is a big thing with me. When I have to decipher something that seems incredibly nonsensical, it just becomes a quandary.

Needless to say, that was simply something I couldn't get beyond. I don't know why. Maybe most women can easily forgive that, but I personally just couldn't let it go. It wasn't that I discounted him as a stupid male model; in fact, I know three male models that are actually quite intelligent. It was because I'd dated guys who were far more intelligent and talented, yet less "pretty" than him. I guess I viewed that as a big step down from what I was normally used to.

So you see where my personal tastes are. Women are obviously very different and there are certain things that they will find attractive or important. It all depends on the type of woman. While I certainly can't respond for the bulk of women out there, I'd basically say that as long as you can take care of yourself and you have a good knowledge of yourself and what you have to offer, you're fair game.

I know that is a totally boring answer, but I'm breaking it down to the bare minimum here, because I don't want to generalize.

Recently, I've discovered that I have a penchant for guys with manners. Maybe it's something to oppose my normally brash exterior, but I genuinely feel bad if I cuss around them. I actually feel like a girl around them. I don't think that was ever really a priority before, but there is something awfully nice about a guy opening a door for you. For a tomboy like me, that goes a long way - to not be treated like one of the guys once in a while, and to be treated like a lady. That really just knocks my socks off, I've found out recently.

As for the male models that are intelligent and talented for any ladies reading this: Brian is unfortunately engaged and does runways in Japan, Eli is a nationally-ranked fencer and does Abercrombie catalogs, and Andrew is a database and web development geek and his portfolio consists of Versace ads. If that's your thing or your scene, then they exist. Yes, they're out there.

13. What would a perfect first date consist of? How would that date be followed up?

I have no idea how to really answer this, as I haven't been on a bonafide "first date" since I was 15. So, I'd say that I'm at a disadvantage to answer this question. If you're looking for ideas, I'm not the best person to ask.

I think that the argument most women have about going on dates is that guys sometimes fill in the blank space by incessantly talking about themselves. They never seem to ask their date questions about themselves! That sort of indicates: a) that you have no interest in them as a person, b) which means no booty for you, and that c) you're a self-centered douchebag. So by all means, ask your date questions about her to fill in the silences. You may find out something interesting. If she turns the subject to you, at least try to answer her questions and say, "How about you?" to encourage her to talk more about herself.

Personally, my ideal first date would consist of a pressure-free zone. It's NOT making an actual date and having a lot of fun with the person, whatever we're doing, and yet at the same time, not doing anything in particular but whatever we jointly feel like doing at that moment. I'd label it perfect if it consisted of nothing particularly grandiose or special, but then I'd walk away in the end and be upset if the date was over. Of course, that'd set me up for wanting to be around a little more past the first date. Understand?

As for the follow-up, see the answer to Question #15. Be sure to call her. Don't be interested in her just when she's around, but be interested enough in her to call her and shoot the shitˇ not to merely plan the next time you'll see her. Nothing sucks more for a girl than to think you can't even converse with her.

The perfect follow-up date would consist of specifics based upon that phone conversation, I think. Maybe you remember something that she mentioned that she liked. Her favorite TV show is "Arrested Development," or her favorite drink is Sapphire and Tonic; her favorite baseball team is the New York Yankees. That means that you do one of the following: a) you invite her over to watch "Arrested Development," b) you get her a Sapphire and Tonic at the bar without her asking, or c) the Yankees happen to be in town playing the Chi Sox, and no matter how much you hate both of the teams playing, or maybe even baseball for that matter, you're going to go.

That, or drive the both of you to Cleveland if the Yankees are playing the Indians. Or Detroit if they're playing the Tigers. Or Oakland if they're playing the A's. Just stay away from Boston, because the 1AM city limits curfew is bullshit. But you know, this is purely a hypothetical situation of course. I'm not just speaking for me.

14. How attractive is the male genitalia?

To be honest, not very - although it's certainly more responsive than female genitalia. That's what's so fun about it.

I'm going to stop there.

15. If a guy manages to get the phone number of a girl at a bar or some such place, how long should he wait to call her?

God, call her before she forgets your name. Don't let it wait more than 36 hours. Aim in the ballpark of 24 to 48 hours. Do it, buddy boy.

I mean, don't scare the bunny off and call her as soon as you get home, but don't appear like a total jerk and go 2-3 whole days as the 1992 Cameron Crowe movie Singles initially suggests. Then you're just playing games, and no one likes to be made out to feel insignificant.

16. What's the deal with women's taste in men? How much do women wish to be with guys who are 'moldable?' And explain the fascination with the bad boy? How did nice guys manage to get left out in the cold?

I have no idea what you mean by what's the deal with women's taste in men. Hell, I don't even get why I'm attracted to the guys I'm attracted to half the time.

As for guys who are seemingly moldable, it depends on either of the following: how insecure a woman is, or how much of an alpha female she is. This one is pretty simple. Either way, she needs a trainable peon. Period. Maybe she doesn't want to deal with guys that have issues or baggage, and essentially wants them to be built to spec. Sometimes I don't blame them for knowing that's what they need, because they do know that at least. But just the same, I can't imagine that what they create doesn't turn against them in the end - like a science experiment gone horribly wrong. The minute that guy gets a backbone, he's resentful and barely recognizes himself.

The bad boy fascination is interesting, though I don't personally understand it myself. I've had the great fortune of having only gone out with nice guys with the exception of one (incredibly fucked up) bad seed. I've gone out with boys who come off like "bad boys" but are actually thugs with hearts of gold. I've gone out with nice guys whom on the outside appear to have a completely likeable, "guy's guy," jovial alpha maleness to them, but are really dark and messed up inside.

In order to understand this, interestingly, I was talking recently to a male friend of mine that actually has the same relatable complex: he finds himself attracted to drama queens - the equivalent of the bad boy.

He mentioned to me that perhaps it was a combination of things, that maybe he wished to live vicariously through them since he's normally so calm and laid back. Maybe it was that he desired some of those elements to be brought out in himself to shake up his shy exterior. He then mentioned that those drama queens are somehow weirdly popular, and when they do find themselves the center of attention, or are stirring up some trouble, he ends up saying, "Yup! That's mah gurl!"

He did also mention that it was stupid to think that way.

"Adventure? Heh. Excitement? Heh. A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless."

I don't think nice guys are left out in the cold. I just think that women who go after bad boys deserve them because they're seriously too fucking stupid to get out of unhealthy relationships like those.

Picking and choosing battles can easily solve this "nice guy" thing. You choose what is worth fighting for and direct your energies there. A little assertive is okay once in a while when you find something that truly matters, wouldn't you agree?

17. Why are girls so competitive when it comes to other girls? For example, when a single guy brings a girl into a group of friends that already includes some girls, why do those girls tend to automatically consider the new girl a biatch?

Many women can look at this question and feign ignorance of female competition's existence, but the truth is that it is very real. I recently read a whole book called "Odd Girl Out" which was mainly about female bullying. It goes straight from catty passive-aggressiveness on the playground, to fighting through adolescence for the attention of boys, multi-cultural differences, and then the fight into the workforce. As much I didn't want to read this book though, I totally knew it was the truth.

All feminist bullshit aside, my politic is this: I'm sort of an anti-feminist's feminist, so let me get that out of the way. The reason for me saying that is that I'm not a militant womyn-lover, nor a man-hater. I don't go running around supporting every woman I see because they're a woman, and at the same time I don't condemn a man because they're a man. I personally think that anything that passes my line of sight is genderless.

Growing up a tomboy, you're used to being ridiculed for your non-girly interests, feeling not necessarily like a lesbian but made out to be like a stereotype of one, being androgynous, and being the ugly duckling in general. That being said, that's exactly why I read the book. I guess in some certain respect, I wanted a way to forgive women for putting me down when men were so accepting of me.

So after much thought and reflecting upon that book, one of those reasons is that they're, quite simply, just jealous for whatever reason. Because women are often harsh judges (first impressions and intuition and all), you go in at a deficit before you start earning points. They don't make it easy either, because like I said, women are big on trust. It's kinda of like a hazing ritual in which you have to not threaten them in any way and earn their respect before they give it to you. Trust is earned, not freely given. I think this is also because most girls are looking into themselves, knowing the horrific things that girls are capable of.

Again, women are big into feelings and anytime something seems like a threat, the shields are up. Anything that has the ability to hurt them, make them insecure, or make them vulnerable is a reason to be defensive. They're only trying to save face by calling them a biatch, which essentially no feminist would really do to another woman.

Fucked up, right? Women are, even at a young age, bludgeoned with the idea to marry well - and that means that they have to compete with the other girls for the attention of guys, so there you go.

Or maybe it's because that girl's a lot prettier and nicer than those other stuck-up, insecure fuckin' bitches are.

18. When girls break up with guys, how often is the reason given a lie?

It depends, and it mainly depends on how much of an asshole someone was to you during the course of the relationship. If you're lucky, and if you were good, or if they feel guilty a woman will let you down easy - even if with a fib. But it's important to note it's not malicious. If she's angry or annoyed, she'll totally rip into you no holds barred. And hey - at least in that respect it's honest, but the harsher of the two.

I don't think it's really a question of how often; rather, I tend to think it's situation-dependent.

That being said, when the whole thing about compatibility thing comes up, it could be a lie, or it could be the fact that yes - you both are simply not compatible by her standards, and you guys don't have a future with each other because she finds something simply intolerable. As I touched on before in the question that mentioned what is important to women, that could pretty much be anything that concerns her baseline values.

As for translating what women actually mean, it's safe to say that if these are compatibility issues that have come out of the blue, compromise and communication (see Question #7, Paragraph 3) on the issue is still an option at first pass. It also must have a solution and both must execute according to plan. But if they're continual problems that were already disclosed and mentioned (like say at the most shallow level, me dating a Red Sox fan for example), or unresolved, it's safe to say, that these are things that are not going to change. It'd be up to the girl to decide whether or not they can get over that.

If this is the first time you're hearing about it and she wants to end it, and she's mentioned the situation can't be compromised, then yesˇ the excuse sounds lame, it's probably lame, and it's probably bullshit. Therein lies the fib. It's not that you're not trying, and it's not that's she's not trying, it's just that she thinks it's not worth the try.

When a woman says she likes you as a friend, there's no good response for this one, although it's safe to say that she's set-up the friend/sexual involvement boundary. The question is, is she confused?

Actions always speak louder than words. Mainly times we forget we get so tangled up in what people say or what people mean that really, you have to focus on what's done, not what's said.

I always say look at the eyes, because they don't lie.

19. Why do girls seem to hit on me when I'm already taken, but barely talk to me when I'm single?

When a guy is taken it just sort of emanates from within, I think. She can sort of sense that you don't really want anything from her other than maybe a nice chat. For some twisted reason, this makes women want you more because they think their feminine charms aren't working and they need to test them.

Know why? We know that you're scoping us out, because guys do that sort of thing even when they're taken. But, you're not going to do a damn thing about it. We just want to see you're scoping us out, probably just to reassure ourselves we've still got it. That's sometimes more than enough really, and we acknowledge and move on.

See Question #3, Paragraph 6. You earn her trust with something that doesn't seem like a pick-up line, and this is moreso when you're not even trying to pick her up either.

20. What is the first thing you notice in a guy, and what quality can he or any guy have that will immediately turn you off to him?

Again, I can't speak for every woman out there. Personally, I can usually pick up on how much of it is an act, and how much of it is genuine. The reason I know this is because I'm looking right at his eyes the whole time. The eyes don't lie. They never do.

I look for character. I can smell a completely contrived, pretentious douchebag from 100 yards. General shadiness - that's an immediate trust-breaker. If I have too many unanswered questions in my head in the first couple of minutes that I'm talking to a guy, I usually really don't stick around to get the answers, mainly because I don't really care. Like I said, first impressions go a long way.

Also, I can't say I really know anyone, male or female, that's going to tolerate being outright lied to.

Any guy wearing manties (that is, briefs past the age of 17) with no really good excuse or not being incredibly well hung has a little explaining to do, too.

In summary, females are big on trust. We will avoid anything that makes us feel insecure, judged, vulnerable, attacked, insignificant, second-best, or inconsequential. I have no doubt that it is the same for men too, but guys don't have women's intuition working for them.

That being said, first impressions go a long way. Don't be a jerk. Don't play games. Don't waste a woman's time or effort. Don't. They will know. Your mom knows everything, just like the time that you hid the wads of toilet paper under your bed when you were 12. So will a girl. She knows. At the same time, always assume that if you're asking the question in your head then it probably matters. Volunteer topics, and encourage her to talk about herself and her feelings; you must also provide a free, safe, non-judgmental environment with which to do so. It's best if you, in turn, are forthcoming and honest. Always assume that she knows just a bit more than you do, and that she's not letting onto it. It'll make you paranoid, but at least you won't be caught with your pants down, so to speak.

Communication is something I can't stress enough of. In order to be an effective communicator, one must both listen and speak. I know that most guys aren't much for talking, and when hellfire happens, they'd rather run and hide in a cave, but the true Pepsi Challenge test of character (and your relationship for that matter) is to stick it out when things get tough. That's where you're going to get the most points - not buying roses, cards, or tchochtkes!

And above all, please always be genuine about all that you say and do. It may seem like a little, but a little goes a long way. Genuineness assures all involved that there is absolute transparency; it is an open area in which no one feels cheated or slighted. When in doubt, always look 'em right in the eye.

Now go and hit one outta the park for me. It's spring.

Click here to read Mikey's Answers to Glenda's questions.