I don't believe anything I read. I don't believe anything I see on TV. And I sure as hell don't believe anything I see on the web.
And I am a better man for it.
Maybe it's something I picked up in various journalism classes, but as far as I'm concerned every statement must be backed up by three reliable sources. I count myself as a reliable source. In other words, every statement must be backed up by two reliable sources, and it has to mesh with my perception of the workings of the universe. And it has to feature sorority girls having a pillow fight.
People today have gotten much too lazy. Accepting information at face value is simply so much easier than having to think about it. Thinking is hard. Thinking is time consuming. Thinking leads to brain aneurisms, hernias, and a dangerous level of space debris in a close orbit to Earth.
The laziness of the common man is not that surprising. I'm a common man, and I'm pretty damn lazy. If civilization was built by people with my level of ambition, we'd have a Council of Elders that sat around watching the G4 channel all day with a bottle of scotch in their hands. And they'd have cool names, like "Zaxxon the Wise" and "Ergot the Chubby Chaser".
But certain roles in society depend on people getting off their asses and doing a little work. Specifically, those involved in the news, media and information distribution business need to get off their asses.
The obvious, high profile example of this is Jayson Blair, the New York Times reporter who decided it was easier to sit around in his pajamas and make shit up than to actually leave the apartment and do some reporting. He couldn't even be bothered to spell Jason correctly. Oh wait - unless he's gay. Than he's spelling it right.
Fine, the guy's an idiot. But doesn't the New York Times employ fact checkers and editors? Admittedly, most of my knowledge of the press comes from watching His Girl Friday. (And of course, the spectacular remake, Switching Channels). As far as I know, the New York Times is filled with chain smoking men wearing fedoras, yammering on two-piece phones while slapping girls on the ass and calling them "skirts" and "dames" and whatnot.
That kind of sounds like fun. Am I the only person around that thinks life would be more interesting if it was directed by Howard Hawks?
The entire news industry seems to be very unreliable. For all we know, the Associated Press is nothing more than two dozen genetically engineered spider monkeys banging on typewriters in a government lab. And the trickle down effect is amazing. Local stations just get all their news from somebody else. Radio stations are the worst - unless it's an actual news station, your average radio news personality just highlights a few articles from the morning paper on their way to work.
The weakness of the system lies in the possibility of corruption at the source. If AP messes something up and sends it down the wire, by the time it hits the local water cooler gossip it's like some sort of literary mad cow disease.
A couple weeks ago CNN posted some stupid story about the invention of a toilet with a LCD screen, so you can surf the web while pure evil comes out of your ass. The story was actually on the CNN home page. Two days later, the CNN site posted a story about a web hoax, a falsified rumor featuring a toilet you can surf the web from.
Pathetic.
Obviously, not every single news station can be sending reporters out to scour the globe. But the media needs to be careful, and the masses need to absorb information with the understanding that a lot of people have touched that onion roll before it made it to your plate.
Here's a perfect example of how lazy the media really can be. As most of our readers know, the Negative Waves Crew just went on a Bowling To Vegas road trip. This trip has mysteriously attracted a fair amount of attention from the press, especially after we got back. Radio stations continue to call requesting interview time. Unfortunately, most of these stations never even bothered to look at the Bowling to Vegas site. We actually had a Christian station call us. The whole trip was based around bowling, drinking, gambling, and strippers. Which episode of Highway to Heaven had Michael Landon throwing down money for lap dances?
This week I received a call from a Seattle radio station. The barely-old-enough-to-shave producer wanted to know if the morning zoo team could talk to one of us about the trip. Having been burned enough times already, I clearly asked, "Have you looked at the web site?"
"Oh yeah, it's great!"
Very well then. The next morning the Zoo team calls me up. Robin and Maynard. I spent the first sixty seconds of the interview trying to explain to Maynard (a total douchebag) that we did not throw a bowling ball along the highway from Chicago to Las Vegas. We actually chose to bowl in alleys, because we are not hobos. Maynard's response? "So why are we talking to you? We've had crappy guests all morning." Not wanting to taint the good name of Bowling to Vegas, I restrained myself from mentioning how hard I had banged his mom, wife, daughter, dog and boyfriend that morning. Instead, I simply asked, "Have you even looked at the web site?"
"No."
Nice job. You would think if you were going to call somebody on the other side of the country because of a web site they did, you might want to spend two minutes actually looking at the fucking site?
Also, Seattle morning zoo guy John Maynard is a complete ass. If you happen to be in Seattle near the The Buzz 100.7 (The mark of quality for a radio station - usage of the word "Buzz"), feel free to bend John Maynard over the hood of his car and shove a dozen pineapples up his cornhole.
What's the moral to the story?
Think about the information you're absorbing. Trust no one.
Of course, you can believe everything you read on the Negative Waves website. We stand for truth, justice, and the American way. Hell, I'm wearing a fedora right now.
Is that negated by the fact I'm not wearing any pants?
